As you contact the individuals on your networking list, it is important to think through what you are going to say beforehand. What do you want them to come away from the conversation knowing about you? The best way to accomplish your purpose is to cater your “Me in 30 Seconds” statement and power statements to correspond with your objectives with this networking contact.
You need to set boundaries and let other people know what these are. Some people are selfish or thoughtless and disregard your boundaries.
If you let things build up and you don’t express your feelings and needs, you will eventually feel resentment. Your reactions and body language may confuse people as they are not mind readers and may not understand your point of view. If you feel yourself getting angry, then say something for everyone’s sake.
Assertiveness is a strategy for gaining mutual respect that helps resolve conflicts. It is the key to good, clear, professional communication. It is about being neither passive and walked all over nor aggressive and confrontational – it’s about getting your point across in a confident manner. When you use assertiveness you can negotiate changes by stating directly what you think, feel and want.
Nearly all of us, at some time in our working lives, have to deal with difficult situations and difficult people. We therefore need to learn how to manage conflict to make sure that we continue enjoying going to work and building effective and efficient working relationships. Conflict can at best cause unproductive work days, and often leads to stress-related problems that result in sickness and absence from work.
When people are asked why they left their last job, the answer often involves a difficult boss. Some are really bad and no one finds it easy to work with them, whilst others simply have some very annoying habits. Sometimes an employee and a boss have a personality clash. If you do consider you have a difficult boss you should try to find out whether the problem lies with you, your boss, or a combination of the two.
You should be clear about your own personal development plan, knowing what activities you intend to undertake and how you are going to make these happen and when. You should look out for opportunities to put them into practice and work with your boss to make them happen. When opportunities arise – grab them with both hands.
If people have given you constructive criticism, it should be backed up with examples/proof and not just reflect subjective feelings. If they have not given any examples then ask for them. If they have not got any and you disagree with the feedback, then say so.
You should always ask for feedback and welcome constructive criticism, because we all see ourselves in a certain way and as doing certain things but other people perceive us differently. It is useful to have feedback from others, to take their comments on board, think seriously about them and do something about them.
Each and every one of us needs to continually learn and develop if we want to be at the top of our game, lead fulfilling exciting lives, have the knowledge to teach our children, be successful and reach our goals. If we don’t learn something new then: ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got’ (WL Batemen). There is also a saying: ‘you learn something new every day’.
Develop an attitude of unshakable confidence in yourself and your ability to reach your goals. Everything in this chapter is about building your ‘self-awareness’, ‘self-confidence’ and ‘self-belief’. You should now be absolutely convinced that nothing can stop you from achieving what you set out to achieve.
You need to set goals because: ‘If you’re not sure where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else!’
What are the goals that, on your deathbed, you will either be glad you achieved or regret not having achieved? You never regret what you do – you only regret what you don’t do!
The law of expectations says that whatever we expect becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. When we confidently expect to succeed or learn something from every experience and believe that good things will happen, they will. When we expect a negative outcome to a situation, then the outcome will usually be negative.
You will see people all the time who look confident because of the way they walk and talk, their attitude, the way they dress, sit, stand and deal with other people. Start to put in place some of the traits that you see in these people. As you look more confident you will start to feel…
Plan your learning: develop confidence through learning and doing. Once you know the areas in which you wish to be more confident you can begin to identify actions you can take to help you achieve this. Confident people are only confident because they have learned the skills or knowledge that they need or want.